A UIEO

That is not a new way of enumerating vowels. It stands for an exam called Unified International English Olympiad, conducted by Unified Council (UC). My daughter’s school makes it mandatory for its students to participate in a few of such Olympiads. The school also provides preparation material so she has to study a bit more than just her class textbooks. Of course, these Olympiads cover a bit more than the “usual” school syllabus. This phrase “a bit more” is the shady bit in all this Olympiad business because it seems the question-setters don’t know “how much more” should be “a bit more”!

Consider, for example, the UIEO exam for Class 3 held on 21 Nov this year. The first question reads:

1. Which option can be a v₁/bare infinitive?
  (A) Yard, (B) Foot, (C) Furlong, (D) Meter

It’s quite a timid looking fun question but what irritates me is the preparation material has nothing on “classification” of verbs.

[Similar thing happened in the Computer Science Olympiad conducted by SOF where “classification” of printers based on mechanism was expected of class 3 students! But that’s a story for another day.]

Talking about stuff NOT in the preparation material, consider this question:

3. Which option completes the (binomial) irreversible word pair ‘hills and ____’ correctly?
  (A) plains, (B) mounds, (C) heights, (D) valleys

Who the hell knows the phrase “binomial irreversible word pair” apart from language professors in esteemed humanities departments of even-higher-esteemed universities? Definitely not class 3 students who don’t even know the difference between parts of speech and figures of speech!

Similarly, another instance of rarely discussed grammar in class 3 features in this question:

6. Which option is not a gerund?
  (A) Earning, (B) Enjoying, (C) Outgoing, (D) Spending

But I won’t complain about this too much because I think past papers have asked about gerunds.

Next is the most dumbest question of the 35 questions in this exam paper:

13. Which option doesn’t rhyme with ‘Foul’.
   (A) Owl, (B) Rout, (C) Tout, (D) Soul

What?!? Except (A), nothing rhymes with ‘Foul’. So is there a typo in the question, as in “doesn’t” → “does”? Apparently not! The “official” answer key says the answer is (D). Is the question-setter and proof-reader smoking something foul or what? [Who am I kidding? UC doesn’t have proof readers! Just look at the quality of answer key for NSTSE exam… Even in the first reading, I could edit / fix a few things and figure out one answer is completely wrong!] If the question-setter wanted (D) to be the answer, the word “option” should have been replaced with “vowel-sound” in the question, at the very least! And since this is an “English” exam, maybe they should look deep in their souls and decide: Should they be touting their knowledge with ill-phrased questions or routing their knowledge to something more wholesome? Be a wise owl (as depicted in some cultures) or just be an ulloo [उल्लू] (an idiot in Indian culture)! Another task the question-setter should be set is this: Write a poem where ‘foul’ rhymes with ‘rout’ and ‘tout’!

This question really upset me so I tried to fill in their discrepancy feedback form. But then just like they don’t have proof-readers for exams; their website-coders also don’t have quality-checkers! The web-form kept giving me server error because of badly formatted string or something in their code, so I asked my Superpartner to try submitting the form instead. She also received the same error so she just sent the screenshot of the form to the only email available on the website, stating:

Dear Team,
As I'm unable to submit the discrepancy online (server error), I'm pasting the screenshot below.

After two days, a reply was received from UC. A really funny reply:

Dear Sir,
Please share your query in detail to this email id.

Yes, their email is literally just that with the inline signature photo! And so my Superpartner sends an email back confirming that she had sent her original email to that exact same email:

Dear ××××××,
That's exactly the email that I have sent my query to.

And nobody ever replied! What a sham (or scam) of asking for feedback when they can’t be bothered to even accept it, forget about acknowledging it.

That turned out to be quite a long rant. Anyway, let’s move on to another question:

31. Shyam: Raj and Arun both stayed at Anil’s party throughout, but neither could break the ice.
   Raghu: __________
   (A) Was there no spike available around?
   (B) But Raj could have broken the ice, he is well built.
   (C) Was the ice slab that thick?
   (D) If you stick to ego, friends can’t stick to you.

What kind of moral high ground is this? (Of course, I’m talking about the correct answer D.) Is the question-setter watching too many soap operas? Who the hell talks like that in real life, esp. in the context of class 3 students? At this stage of life, maybe students should be taught to be less judgmental and more understanding! The correct answer shows a judgmental, preachy tone; instead one could have chosen a neutral, understanding tone with something like: “Well, they both have strong personalities. Hope they understand soon that sticking together is better than being alone!”. But then, nuance is not the forte of most people in the current state of the world.

Finally, last but not the least (irritating) of them all:

35. Which option can ‘not be an exclamation’?
   (A) Yes, (B) Great, (C) No, (D) Come

I believe the answer is D, but the answer key says it’s B! [I wanted to submit feedback for this too, but as you all know by now, their feedback form error-ed out!] This is ridiculous, of course. “Great!” is an exclamation in situations of joy and appreciation and the like. For example, if my nephew says, “I scored 100% in my exams.”, I’d reply with “Great! Congrats!” and so on. “Come” is definitely not an exclamation on its own. I can think of using it only as “Come on! That’s stupid.”

Indeed, All Of It Is!

Wedding Season

It is that time of the year where a lot of weddings take place in India. Because there are many auspicious days around this time according to priests who solemnize such events I guess. Anyway, even in my (extended) family, half a dozen or so weddings are planned. I attended one recently near my native town.

The wedding took place for 2 days at a resort aptly named “Dharti Dhora Ri” (Land of Sand-dunes).

It is spread across a huge swath of desert land with an imposing building right at the edge of a national highway. Preparations underway for the wedding I was attending:

The interiors are similarly shimmering with grandeur. The ceiling of the reception area:

There are different areas for different events and the entrance to one such area on the first night was decorated in dark mode / night theme:

 

The area for the second night was much more grandiose where the main reception was held but sadly I did not capture that so you can just let your imagination run wild (include fireworks too).

Apart from all these events and decorations, the most important aspect of a wedding is the FOOD. And boy oh boy, did this place curate some of the most ‘perfect’ sweets I have ever eaten! Every meal had at least 4 different sweets. I tasted only two in every meal and whatever I tasted was great. All sorts of sweets (made of chhena or mawa or dry fruits) were second to none. Even the traditional breakfast items had the home-made vibe & taste, especially the bajri ka daliya. Of course, there were plenty of “main course” items too for lunch and dinner, which means I had to make a conscious decision of what not to taste. The curries were good and fresh tandoori naan I had here was among the best. But I left out many things that I would have eaten if there was less to choose at every meal! That was the saddest part of attending this wedding I think.😉

Anyway, all’s well that ends well! I got back to Bengaluru on time. Just before the ridiculous

Indigo Fiasco

Untranslatable Shayari – II

This post is the second installment of a collection of untranslatable Shers that I talked about earlier. Let me share a very famous Ghazal of Dr. Nawaaz Deobandi from the times when he looked like a young Anji (from Rurouni Kenshin).

वो रुला कर हँस न पाया देर तक
जब मैं रो कर मुस्कुराया देर तक

भूलना चाहा कभी उसको अगर
और भी वो याद आया देर तक

भूके बच्चों की तसल्ली के लिए
माँ ने फिर पानी पकाया देर तक

गुनगुनाता फिर रहा था एक फ़क़ीर
धूप रहती है न साया देर तक

कल अँधेरी रात में मेरी तरह
एक जुगनू जगमगाया देर तक

–नवाज़ देवबंदी

Nawaaz Deobandi, Anjum Rehbar and Waseem Barelvi, Bulandshahar, 1990.

This is Quintessentially Dr. Nawaaz Deobandi's Shayari. It is recognizable instantly and remains with you देर तक. It is so emotionally charged that it does not just pull at your heart strings that your eyes flood, but it wrenches your guts so viciously that you lose your appetite देर तक. This रदीफ़ (refrain) of देर तक (till late) is so commonplace a phrase, yet in this Ghazal it weaves a magic carpet that lifts you up, flies you at breakneck speed through a desolate scenery and flings you right at the edge of a poignant precipice that leaves you gasping for breath देर तक. The five Shers seem to paint five different scenarios but for me the common thread easily jumps out: hardship; be it hardship involving interactions, feelings, responsibility, livelihood, or just finding one’s place in this world. Among them, the third Sher is the pinnacle of showcasing the author’s command over his craft.

I can hardly keep my watering eyes open while I’m typing this (also the reason why I never “translated” this Ghazal even though I wrote about Dr. Nawaaz Deobandi as early as 2009!), but I do want to highlight the one word that punches my stomach so hard every time I read the third Sher: फिर (again). This Sher paints a very grim picture of a mother “cooking” water to “pacify” her hungry kids. Again! Those who haven’t understood this Sher yet or those who simply don’t understand Hindi, picture this: as the Sher is being read, the scene is being populated with characters (kids & a mother) and you hear – in the second line – the word “फिर” first (without much effect, as expected) and then the whole scene comes to life with the ultimate phrase comprising of four words “पानी पकाया देर तक” (cooked water till late) and Boom!, the aftershock of that single word “फिर” hits you so hard, you can hardly control your body’s reaction. That single word multiplies many-fold the effects of the rest of the words that have forced you to conjure up a world that should not exist, yet you know somewhere deep down, is part of the grim reality we live in!

Well, this is more than enough of taking apart a Sher and explaining its meaning and/or the author’s feelings. This seems like it should be a question (involving भावार्थ or something similar) for Hindi exam in Class X. And I don’t think I would do a good job even then. So, I leave you to tackle another video of

Nawaaz Deobandi from 1994

2-in-1 Holiday!

Today is the tenth day of Navratri (quite an oxymoron!). It is celebrated as Vijaya Dashami, among many other names. The core idea celebrated being the victory of good over evil.

Today is also one of the Indian national holidays: Gandhi Jayanti. It is the celebration of birthday of Mahatma Gandhi. The core philosophy celebrated being that of non-violence. Quite a contrast between the cores of the two holidays!

Regardless, I think this is also the right post to share “Seven Blunders of the World”. This is a list of seven social sins, propounded by Frederick Lewis Donaldson and published / popularized by Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi:

1. Wealth without Work
2. Pleasure without Conscience
3. Knowledge without Character
4. Commerce without Morality
5. Science without Humanity
6. Religion without Sacrifice
7. Politics without Principle

I do not have the philosophical depth to discuss any of these in any sort of detail on any platform, especially this blog. So I will let you ponder about them in your own time, or maybe dreams. For now, try listening to a “current” take on these blunders by a British comedian

Ahir Shah’s Seven Blunders of the World

Untranslatable Shayari – I

Over the years, I have translated quite a few Shers on this blog. A few times I have even mentioned not being able to translate some. This post is among one of those times when it just seems impossible to capture the beauty, the clarity, the intent, the nuance, the simplicity, the truth, the wordplay of the original Sher.

Let us start with two Shers by Shabeena Adeeb:

यही बात खु़द समझना, यही बात आम करना
जो गुरूर में हो डूबा उसे मत सलाम करना

मैं बस इतना चाहती हूँ रहे चैन ज़िंदगी में
न बहुत खुशी लुटाना न सुकून हराम करना

–शबीना अदीब

The second Sher takes some time to understand and once you understand it, it takes even longer to come out of the depth it has plunged you into! Even more frustrating than that, is my brain’s refusal to translate its last line, so I think even transliterating this Sher into English just serves no point. Moving beyond my incompetence, a recital of these Shers by the poetess herself is linked above, but someone else “copied” her performance quite well! Witness it for yourself…

Shabeena Adeeb, 17th Tamsili Mushaira, Bhiwandi, 19 Jan 2019.

Moving on to another poet, let's read some Shers of a Ghazal by Dr. Nawaz Deobandi:

दुनिया खड़ी हो रस्ते में, फिर हमको इससे क्या?
जब वो नहीं दरीचे में, फिर हमको इससे क्या?

जो दुःख में काम आए ना सुख में शरीक हो
लगता हो कुछ भी रिस्ते में, फिर हमको इससे क्या?

जब आप हक़ के साथ खड़े ही नहीं हुए
हुजरे में थे के मुजरे में, फिर हमको इससे क्या?

–नवाज़ देवबंदी

These Shers again are in a class of their own. It is very much a tautology that it is hard to translate this Ghazal. Especially, the last Sher, where the two similar-sounding words – हुजरे (prayer / meditation room) & मुजरे (music / dance performance) – are used so judiciously, so effectively, that it elevates the first line to a witty slogan filled with so much barb that a barbed fence could be constructed out of it! The second Sher feels like it says something common; one might even mistake it for the well-known idiom “a friend in need is a friend indeed”, but how wrong can one get! It not only elevates the common saying but surpasses it to make poetry by invoking not just the “need” but also “happiness”. This Sher demands a relation to work in both gloom and bliss! What a marvelous philosophy.

Technically, even trying to translate the Radif (refrain) gives me shivers. Could it be “What do I care?”. Anyway, the first Sher is simple in that sense compared to the other two, but I don’t think I want to translate it because it just feels weird in translation! See for yourself: “The world is in my way, what do I care?; When (s)he’s not at the window, what do I care?”. It remains beautiful in the original. Here is the first(?) recital of this Ghazal (along with many more)

Dr. Nawaz Deobandi, Lucknow, 4 March 2023

How long are 5 years?

They could be a blink of an eye, a lifetime, or a pure unadulterated hell! Regardless, today is the 5th anniversary of the death of Dr. Rahat Indori. I have written about his book and translated his Shers on this blog. It feels like it hasn’t been that long since I wrote of his demise but it it hard to believe it has already been 5 years! In his memory, I listen to him and try my hand at translating his Shers, as usual. Here is my effort this time (from 3 different Ghazals):

हमसे पूछो की ग़ज़ल मांगती है कितना लहू
सब समझते हैं ये धंधा बड़े आराम का है!

Hamse puchho ki Ghazal maangti hai kitna lahu
Sab samajhte hain ye dhandha bade aaraam ka hai!

Ask me Ghazal requires how much blood
Everyone else thinks this is a cushy job!

प्यास अगर मेरी बुझा दे तो मैं जानूँ, वरना
तू समंदर है तो होगा मेरे किस काम का है!

Pyaas agar meri bujha de to main jaaunun, warna
Tu samandar hai to hoga mere kis kaam ka hai!

If my thirst gets quenched, I’ll believe you, else
You may be an ocean, but are of no use to me!

हमें तो सिर्फ जगाना है सोने वालों को
जो दर खुला है वहाँ हम सदा नहीं देंगे!

Hamein to sirf jagaana hai sone waalon ko
Jo dar khula hai wahan ham sada nahin denge!

I aim to awaken only those who are asleep
At the open doors I do not intend to call!

एक हुकूमत है जो इनाम भी दे सकती है
एक क़लंदर है जो इंकार भी कर सकता है!

Ek hukuumat hai jo inaam bhi de sakti hai
Ek qalandar hai jo inkaar bhi kar sakta hai!

An authority exists who can reward too
An ascetic exists who can refuse too!

“जागते रहिये” की आवाज लगाने वाला
लूटने वालों को होशियार भी कर सकता है!

“Jaagte Rahiye” ki aawaaj lagaane waala
Lootne waalon ko hoshiyaar bhi kar sakta hai!

The one who shouts “stay awake”
Can alert those who are looting too!

–राहत इंदोरी (Rahat Indori)

Recently, the season 2 of Sandman ended which had an overarching theme of death and its last special episode, specifically, deals with Death. She has many memorable lines. One of them is “Sooner or later, I see everyone.” (or a rephrased one: “I meet everyone. At the end, anyway!”) and another one is “You got what anybody gets. No more, no less… You got a lifetime!”.

On that note, I leave you with more of

Dr. Rahat Indori's Shayari

Figuring Me Out!

People have tried figuring me out for ages, with varying degrees of success. The latest addition in such a pursuit is my daughter. For those who keep track of my posts, this post is basically the post hinted near the end of my previous post. So let’s get to it then.

On the father’s day of this year (I don’t feel like searching for the exact date, but it feels like it was a month or so ago), Sakura made a colourful postcard / greeting card for me. It had the expected “HAPPY FATHER'S DAY” written at the top:

Then a paragraph followed which was “dedicated” to her father, i.e., me. Once again, this was her own creation; her mother did not help with it (as stressed in the previous post linked above). It started with my name… well, let me not ruin it by “explaining” it. Here it is for your own reading pleasure (with a few corrections, as usual):

My father’s name is Dharmesh Jain.

I call him Dμ. Dμ is a physicist.

He solves a lot of maths and physics problems.

He knows how to cook milk and junk food.

He does not like kids that much.

But he has one. And I am writing it.

Well, what a twist there at the end! This paragraph was followed by some doodles, dedicated to various things I “like”:

I think she swapped Maths & Physics there and I do not understand what Logic has got to do with an icecream! Maybe it is a puzzle she set for me and I am supposed to match the subjects with their correct doodles (then my answer is in the previous sentence!) because she knows I like puzzles and keep showing her videos from this channel. Anyway, if you have started thinking this postcard borders on being a poster instead, you may be right. Because there was one more thing after the doodles; and that was to indicate the end of it all:

I guess I will get back to my usual style of posts, by which I mean

Showcasing Shayari

Story from an Unexpected Source…

Since ideas for a post are hard to come by in this day and age, I instead want to share a story. An unusual story written by my daughter last week for her weekly “3H activity” class on Friday. On Thursday, my wife got an expected message detailing what the 3H activity class this week was about. The unexpected thing was this activity was first of its kind. The kids were supposed to write a story given the following picture prompt:

They were to draw and colour this picture and write a story about it in class but they could prepare at home, that’s why the advance “warning”. As soon as she saw this picture, my daughter got thinking and wrote some sort of a draft story in her rough notebook. She did not show that to me but next day after school, she showed me a colourful page with her drawing and her story.

The story had the “usual” typographical and grammatical errors expected of a class 3 kid but the story made sense and incorporated all the elements of the picture. At first, I thought her mother had helped her with it, but NO!, it turned out to be her own idea, her own creation. It was a good story with a setup, some action, and a funny ending. I was quite impressed so I share it here with those trivial errors fixed for your reading pleasure.

The Pet

It was a sunny day. A girl was walking through a garden. She saw a caterpillar in the grass. She followed it. Then it disappeared. But it had left her in a place where a snake was sleeping. When the girl went near it, it woke up. It hissed loudly and angrily. The girl found a rattle and picked it up, then she made some sound with it. The snake calmed down. She took the snake and kept it on a bench. And she said, ‘stay here’ and the snake understood. She left it and bought a collar. She put it around the snake’s neck but not tightly so it would not get choked. She had the rattle with her, she put the rattle in his tail and the snake held it! The girl had a pet now. (She didn’t have any pet before.) The caterpillar came back again. This time the girl picked it up, the snake watching closely. The girl said, ‘You got me a pet!’. ‘I don’t have to pay for it, right?’, she giggled.

The End

Hope you had a good read. Enjoy the week and till next time when I share what she really thinks of me!

Snakes as Pets

Gone with the Wind…

…And it’s Back!

Those who follow my blog (that’s a number very close to 0!) must have been in shock for the last month or so. That is because there was no blog here to visit between 23rd May and 20th June (just a couple of days ago). The why is pretty simple: Blogger removed my blog due to alleged copyright infringement. The what and how, not so much, though! Blogger didn’t tell me what was the problem before or after the takedown and even post-reinstatement of the blog I’m none the wiser.

In the meantime, I’d posted on Reddit and even the infamous website, Blogger Support Community in an attempt to figure out the steps for appealing this unjustifiable decision to remove my whole blog! Because as you can see in the screenshot above, no such information is given in the email, which Google Blogger is liable to do according to their own policy statement! But all that was to no avail. After that, I asked Copilot what I could do and it gave me one relevant bit of information: the actual link to the counter-notice page. I submitted the counter-notice to the above takedown notice and without any lag (or so it seemed), I received a reply that no action has been taken to take down my blog in response to a copyright removal request. That reply even suggested my blog could be offline due to “policy violations”, which if you read the above email message, doesn’t seem at all to be the case! Anyway, I was back to square one and trying to find the correct page at Google to appeal the “policy violation” was a wild goose chase, because I’m pretty sure such a page does not exist.

This was the status of my effort till last weekend in trying to understand why/how my blog went dark. Then at the start of this weekend, out of the blue, I noticed my blog was back online. No explanations whatsoever!

All’s well that ends well…