Monday, March 26, 2012


So for those fetuses coming in to this crappy world, the first thing to learn is to distinguish when do the grown-ups mean what they say and when they don’t mean what they just said.

First general rule: They don’t mean what they say Ever.

Second general rule: Never forget the First general rule.

Third general rule: Be very careful applying the above rules.

Let me now give you some examples of otherwise simple looking sentences but having deep hidden connotations that can be detected from miles away even before you hear them or start to read them:

⇒You are funny. means: You are full of shit.

⇒Your photos are good. means: You are full of shit.

⇒Did you make this? Awesome! means: Oh, you are so full of shit!

⇒Tell me if I’m boring you… means: Shut the hell up and listen…

⇒Tell me to cut the crap… means: Shut the hell up and listen…

⇒Are you listening to me? means: Do not dare to sleep while I’m talking…

⇒That looks so cool. means: I want it right now.

⇒That gadget is awesome! means: I want it right now.

⇒Have you seen it? It is really handy… means: I want you to buy it for me right now.

⇒How are you? means: You’re doing fine… Ask me that question back, you dim-wit!

⇒How’s your job treating you? means: You’re doing fine… Ask me that question back, you dim-wit!

⇒How’s your body recovering? means: You’ve no idea what my stomach is going through… Ask me that question back, you dim-wit!

⇒How dare you call me a dim-wit? means: Only I’ve the right to do that… Not the other way round!

⇒How dare you not answer my question? means: Only I’ve the right to do that… Not the other way round!

⇒Who do you think you are to judge my words or actions or both? means: I’m the ultimate arbiter and hence only I’ve the right to do that… Not You, dim-wit!

⇒Delete the attachments. means: How dare you look at them when I shouldn’t have sent them but did it anyway?

⇒I’m not giving you any more info. means: How dare you look at the attachments when I shouldn’t have sent them but did it anyway?

⇒I’m not asking you any more questions. means: How dare you look at the attach… Oh, sorry! You answered my earlier question, okay… means: but How dare you not answer it in the very specific way that I’m used to hearing answers?

So, there you have it… Some lessons on identifying connotations in others’ sentences. This post seems more like the ‘How to…’ post I wrote a while ago! Maybe I could generate a third series of posts named as ‘How To's’ with this sort of stuff (the other 2 series are IMMs & OMUs) but it’s too much work changing tags and so on… So will just use the existing tags as I did for the above-mentioned post.


Saturday, March 24, 2012


… is here:


And people are getting engaged left and right or rather east and west.

We got to know about the engagement of one of our friends from IITKGP (let’s call him BD) a few days ago. I should remember to get him a wedding day card like I did for the others. This takes care of the east.

Let’s move on to a more interesting engagement in the west, that of Mr. D. J. S. Mitchell (in short, David Mitchell) and Miss V. E. Coren (in short, Victoria Coren). You may ask, “Who are they?” And I may reply, “What the hell are their names hyperlinked for?”

Now that you know who they are; let’s celebrate their engagement and what better way to celebrate their engagement than to witness their brilliance in their brilliant works. And watching them share the same screen-space would be akin to ‘fragrant gold’ as they’d say in Hindi. So here are two such instances:

DM & VC on You Have Been Watching

DM & VC on Would I Lie to You

It seems they met ‘first’ on a show called ‘The Bubble’. Finally, I leave you with more opportunities to see them


Monday, March 19, 2012


Q: How do you celebrate your body’s experience of a seasonal flu-attack?

A: I watch Sketchbook ~Full Color’S~ Episode 11 while the brain is busy melting due to high temperature (101.4°F). Once the body de-excites itself to its ground state and the food starts tasting ok again, obviously, I indulge in sketching a Sketchbook character! Here is the 6th such sketch of mine (find earlier ones by searching for Sketchbook-tagged posts!) featuring Juju Sasaki:


Ok, this is at best as good (or bad) as my sketch of Nagisa (or Kokage or Natsumi). It obviously reaches nowhere near my sketches of Hazuki or Sora. Couldn’t do any better since I’m pathetic at applying shading and that really screws up the feel of separation between her curls of hairs & neck!

Should do something about that. Nah, it’s fine! What? Ya, definitely! Someday, in far future… Anyway, here’s the standard reference to

compare my sketch.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Fun of

…translating stuff!

Let’s start this post with a piercing Sher (usual disclaimers to be found in the ‘Shayari’ tab above and unusual gratitude to be expressed profusely to DQ):

बंदगी हमने छोड़ दी है 'फ़राज़'
क्या कहें लोग जब ख़ुदा हो जाएँ

Bandagi hamne chhod di hai ‘Faraz’
Kya kahein log jab khuda ho jaayeN

Have stopped worshipping, ‘Faraz’
Why not, when humans play Gods

-अहमद फ़राज़ (Ahmad Faraz)

Now let me (try to) translate one of DQ’s favourite Ghazals by Khumar Barabankvi:

इक पल में इक सदी का मज़ा हमसे पूछिये
दो दिन की ज़िंदगी का मज़ा हमसे पूछिये

Ik pal mein ik sadi ka maza hamse poochiye
Do din ki zindagi ka maza hamse poochiye

Ask me the fun of an eon in an instant
Ask me the fun of this ephemeral life

I’m trying to match the kaafiya as you might have noticed but instead of the end of the lines, the lines begin with it in the translated version!

भूले हैं रफ़्ता-रफ़्ता उन्हें मुद्दतों में हम
किश्तों में ख़ुदकुशी का मज़ा हमसे पूछिये

Bhule hain rafta-rafta unhen muddatton mein ham
Kishton mein khudkushi ka maza hamse poochiye

I have forgotten her gradually over ages
Ask me the fun of suicide in installments

This is the best Sher there can ever be according to DQ and I whole-heartedly agree with him. After listening to this Sher, you just want to close your eyes and enjoy the bliss that engulfs you in the knowledge that you’ll have endless fun having understood this gorgeous Sher.

आग़ाज़-ए-आशिक़ी का मज़ा आप जानिए
अंजाम-ए-आशिक़ी का मज़ा हमसे पूछिये

Aaghaaz-é-aashiqi ka maza aap jaaniye
Anjaam-é-aashiqi ka maza hamse poochiye

You may know the ecstasy of new love
Ask me the fun of conclusion of that love

Undoubtedly, another gem of a Sher.

जलते दीयों में जलते घरों जैसी लौ कहाँ
सरकार रोशनी का मज़ा हमसे पूछिये

Jalte deeyon mein jalte gharon jaisi lau kahan
Sarkar roshni ka maza hamse poochiye

Can a lighted lamp ever match a burning home
Ask me the fun of a light too bright, my dear sir

A great Sher once again…

वो जान ही गए कि हमें उनसे प्यार है
आँखों की मुखबिरी का मज़ा हमसे पूछिये

Wo jaan hi gaye ki hamein unse pyaar hai
Aankhon ki mukhbiri ka maza hamse poochiye

She did become aware of my love, after all
Ask me the fun of betrayal by one’s own eyes

Another brilliant Sher, they just keep on coming, don’t they?

हँसने का शौक़ हमको भी था आप की तरह
हँसिए मगर हँसी का मज़ा हमसे पूछिये

HaNsne ka shauk hamko bhi tha aap ki tarah
HaNsiye magar HaNsi ka maza hamse poochiye

I, too, was fond of laughter just as you are
Laugh, though Ask me the fun of laughter

A simple Sher to evoke laughter before the grand finale:

हम तौबा करके मर गए क़ब्ल-ए-अज़ल "ख़ुमार"
तौहीन-ए-मयकशी का मज़ा हमसे पूछिये

Ham tauba karke mar gaye kabl-é-azal “Khumaar”
Tauheen-é-mayakashi ka maza hamse poochiye

Abstaining was to die, “Khumar”, even before my death
Ask me the fun of dishonouring the fine art of drinking

-ख़ुमार बाराबंकवी (Khumar Barabankvi)

If you’re not familiar with the deep unbreakable connections between ‘wine’, life & shayari, then this may not seem like such a ‘grand’ finale, but believe DQ (and me) that it is! I’ll leave you with the poet himself reciting this

Full Ghazal

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Happy Holi

Thankfully, the title of this post was not already used unlike that of this post! The only other time I posted around Holi was 2 years ago. Let me repeat those wishes first:

होलीको उपलक्ष्यमा तपाईंलाई हार्दिक शुभकामना!

होली मुबारक हो आपको!

Happy Holi to You!

A very fitting sher on this occasion (read the disclaimer in ‘Shayari’ tab above if you’ve not read it recently and then continue…):

भीतर के रंग उड़ चुके, बाहर गुलाल क्या करे
मन में न हो मिठास तो मोदक का थाल क्या करे

Bheetar ke rang ud chuke, baahar gulaal kya kare
Man mein na ho mithaas to modak ka thaal kya kare

When internals have been grayed out, what’ll external colours do
When the heart is devoid of sweetness, what’ll a plate of sweets do

-संध्या सिंह (Sandhya Singh)

Enjoy the day!

Monday, March 5, 2012

How to…

…alienate ‘friends’?

Be a perfectionist. That’ll alienate most of them. But since not every one can be one, hence the need for this post!

The next best alternative for anyone (from my personal experience) is to correct them of any & all mistakes that you think they committed at first glance. Even if they are not mistakes (or in the very unlikely case, that you were wrong) by the second glance, don’t let that stop you; you want to alienate them, don’t you? Yes, that’s the spirit! Let me give you some sample lessons now.

Let’s say you made a software (which is awesome in your opinion) or you use a software (which is again awesome, otherwise why would you be using it in the first place?). Force them to use it (the trick is to call it β-testing) or rant about how it has features that others don’t (like it’s easy to access via another awesome program which is bundled with it!) and basically make them believe if they don’t use it, their life will have been for naught. After a while, they’ll just stop talking to you about anything technical or will change from Windows to Linux or Macs your preferred OS to another (obviously inferior from your point of view) OS. Congratulations, you’ve just alienated some of your buddies.

Let’s say they want you to review some of their works (I’m specifically referring to literary ones, but I guess this can be generalized to pretty much any work of art, too) and give them ‘helpful suggestions’ or if you’re more comfortable with swear-words, then ‘constructive criticisms’. What you never do is say, “I don’t have time” or shrug it off by saying that’s good or make some such generic comment. What you do is take an hour off your ‘busy’ schedule and peruse (those who think this word simply means ‘browse’, should consult a dictionary right now) their work. Then, change everything that you think will improve their work with red ink, mark everything that you understand should be improved by them (as it’s too below you to even point these out) with green ink and mark everything that you don’t understand with blue ink (assuming the original is in black ink). You may like to use circles, lines and boxes to emphasize that you have indeed perused the article. After that, email the article with more comments on the layout, format, fonts, etc. in the mail itself. (If you think this is going overboard, did you forget our agenda? We’re here to alienate people… Keep focus! Don’t get distracted.) That’ll alienate most of them right away. They’ll thank you (while cursing you from within) and never ever ask you to do anything like that again. But some are made of thicker skins and they’ll send you a second ‘draft’ (obviously in your eyes; they’re probably thinking it’s the best they’ve ever written!), now you peruse over it for only half an hour and follow the same colouring scheme as earlier (believe me there are always errors to point out, even in the Nth draft as N→∞). After you email this ‘edited’ copy back, you won’t hear back from them again. Hell, they won’t even write back with the ‘final’ copy attached saying that, “Due to deadline issues, they’ve already submitted/sent to whosoever was entitled to read it and can’t entertain any more revisions”. Congratulations, you’ve just alienated your ‘best friends’, ‘close relatives’ and anyone in between that relationship spectrum!

Let’s say you wrote something and want others to proofread it. Assuming, others haven’t read the previous paragraph and you are the epitome of a thick-skinned person, just keep editing & sending drafts even when they’ve definitely stopped reading your emails till the deadline hits you. Congratulations, you’ve just alienated the same set of people as above including your publishers.

Let’s say you make a cryptic comment and they wish to know what it means. Do you blurt out a cryptic statement (again) as your answer? Yes… NO! No, you’ve not been taking my lessons seriously, have you? You simply refuse to answer, as simple as that! Congratulations, you’ve just alienated anyone you can think of.

As soon as you internalize these sample lessons concerning actual everyday scenarios, you’ll be on the straight road to become a master of loneliness. As and when that time finally comes, you’ll have just alienated me and Congratulations to you for that achievement.

For now, dig deeper on this topic and

Search the title

Saturday, March 3, 2012


“Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.” — Robert Frost

I need to get some education then because it seems I’ve started losing it over anything sounding even vaguely illogical.

To remedy that, let me talk about illogical stuff myself:

Who is well-connected? DQ is… After he set the link to my previous post as his status message in gtalk, I got 14 (dedicated) hits in 12 hours. Way more than I’ve been able to gather on my own, Ever!

Who is acknowledged? I am… in Shantanu’s paper for pointing out its Appendix can be simplified a little bit!

Who is over-cautious? Shantanu is… He doesn’t quite believe in analytic continuation of integrals!

Who is super? Riemann is… Just see his wiki page!

Who is next? Gauss, Euler… and lot more!

Who has calmed down? Not me… OK, this exercise did not quite work out but at the very least, I’ll leave you with the

Source of title quote